I greet you with this inaugural Bruce’s Blog the week of the 2008 legislative session. While it’s always a happy annual ritual for me to see people – legislators, reporters and lobbyists – I haven’t seen for many months, our similes of renewed friendship are tempered by the dark fiscal cloud that will hang over the capitol for the next three months.
As my blog blossoms over time I’ll introduce you to a cast of characters who will pass on inside information, astute (and sometimes stupid) analysis and a prognostication or two.
Here’s the cast:
- Red “Watch your Wallet” Geohpee (pronounced gee-oh-pee) – our Republican insider.
- Libby “Tax and Spend” Defel (pronounced dee-eff-ell) – our DFL insider.
- Hack “Just the Facts” Scribe – our news reporter.
- Maharishi “Fool on the Hill” Emeritus – our, very old and crusty seer.
- Sally “Six Pack” Person – a regular citizen who doesn’t give a rip about the inside games, but does care about having elected officials who work together and get things done.
- And of course.... Me, for whatever that’s worth.
Sooo... how do these folks see the first day of session?
Amid the clamor of the first of many noisy demonstrations in the Capitol Rotunda, I spotted my old friend, Maharishi. “I changed my mantra to ‘cut,’” he growled. He jammed his half-eaten cigar into the side of his mouth and pontificated in his uniquely guttural voice, “The $373 million deficit is nothin’. We’re talkin’ the ‘B’ word not millions – and health and yewman services is gonna take most of the hit.”
Cripes, I thought, where’s Libby? She’s with the majority Democrats who control the legislature and she’ll know what’s going on. Libby is a cool calculator and hurriedly told me the plan when I found her by the side door to the Senate chamber. “We’ll do transportation – with a gas tax – the first week and include some bonding for bridges in Republican districts in the bill.”
Maybe they have a way to get the final few Republican votes they need to override a gas tax veto, I thought.
“We’ll then do the bonding bill the next week,” Libby said, “and then we’ll see just how bad the budget forecast is in early March.”
“So, Libby, who would you advise me to ask to author a COLA Bill this year?” I asked. “Folks seem skittish about proposing to spend more money.”
“I’d be chicken, too,” Libby said, trying to smooth out her perpetually wrinkly dress. “Who wants to stick their heads out to far now? I’d want to keep my head attached, too.”
I slipped out of the back hall and found my old Republican friend Red Geohpee in his always crisp pinstripe suit. “How bad is it, Red?”
“It’s manageable. Tim (Pawlenty – Red always likes to use first names of important people) has asked every department to come in with a three percent cut in their budgets.”
“You know what that means,” Hack the reporter (who overhears everything) said. “When the deficit gets big they always look to Health and Human Services to take a disproportionate retrenchment.” Hack likes big words.
Libby bounded out of the catacombs (she’s always in a hurry as everything is urgently important) and picked up on Hack’s eloquence. “But HHS is already 28 percent of the budget. We can't pull the safety net out from needy and vulnerable people.”
“Heck,” said Hack, “if the deficit is one billion then I put my money on $500 million in HHS cuts.”
I ran back to Maharishi, who was now on the capitol steps to smoke the rest of his half eaten cigar. “Hey, Mahrishi, the rest of the gang says you’re right. They’re all looking at Health and Human Services for more cuts.”
“There’s a long way to go, my boy. Don’t panic. You know the angles, so play ‘em. But ya oughta maybe be prepared to change your mantra from “Supersize” to “Don’t Cut Da COLA.”
“And another thing,” he wheezed, “Make sure your people tell their legislators that this ain’t just about nursing homes. They gotta know that this is a big deal to your folks.”
I pulled out the colored paper in my back pocket and wrote: “Timing is everything. We gotta tell Sally Sixpack and fast. She likes COLA. And legislators really like her. She votes.”
Stay tuned for an urgent message.