Jon and Stacey have a beautiful partnership. They know each other’s strengths and weaknesses. They know when their partner is having a bad day and how to help them feel better. Most importantly, they make each other happy and fulfilled every day.
Like any couple, it took work to get to where they are today. But as single people with traumatic brain injury and other disabilities receiving significant daily care supports, they faced a different, and in many ways more challenging, path to achieving their dream life together.
Developing co-support, co-independence skills
Jon and Stacey will tell you their connection was almost immediate when they met. They were lucky enough to find each other as they both received supportive services from Mary T., Inc. and developed their bond through ongoing interactions.
They knew they belonged together and planned for marriage and living on their own. However, both Jon and Stacey did have needs related to their disabilities requiring regular daily support and supervision, including some personality traits that could make maintaining their relationship challenging. But their goal and wishes were clear, so they worked hard with support from staff at Mary T. to develop the skills they would need to live together on their own, including how to use their bond and individual skills to help support each other in their unique needs.
Why can’t I live with my partner?
But that wasn’t the only barrier Jon and Stacey faced. As many people with intellectual and developmental disabilities know, the very care plans created to support them can at times be hurdles to building relationships. Staff and providers are held tightly to following those plans, so if someone wants to spend the night at their significant other’s home, or even have a dinner date alone with a romantic interest, those interactions can be subject to strict scheduling or even the presence of support staff.
In such situations, it’s extremely important that staff and case managers, as well as guardians if they are in the mix, listen and appreciate the interests of those seeking relationship goals, and work proactively with them to achieve the lifestyle they want while also providing the supports to promote health, safety and happiness.
A happy home this Valentine’s Day
This is what Mary T. and its team did, working with Jon and Stacey to support their relationship but also to help them advocate for their goal of living together independently in their own home. On August 21, 2010 their union was blessed in the backyard of the group home where they met. In March of the following year, Jon and Stacey moved to their own townhome.
Jon and Stacey now have that happy home, celebrating their sixth Valentine’s Day together there this year, and because they have such a strong relationship built on supporting one another they rely much less on the support of direct care staff.
Their relationship advice to others, “Take it slow. Get to know each other. Look for something you want in your life and keep going. Have faith and trust in the other person.”
Happy Belated Valentine’s Day, Jon and Stacey!
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